We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Couch. On fire.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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