I think my fart just growled at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
