im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
do herpes really smell.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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