I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Still dying that you shit outside
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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