Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
