Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
