come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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