We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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