If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize