dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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