How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize