you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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