Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
