hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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