i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize