Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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