My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
