im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
