hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
