Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
