Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize