Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
