I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
