I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
