Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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