My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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