I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
