I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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