well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
