I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
