Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
