im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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