I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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