Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
