Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
