i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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