My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
