even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
