atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
