Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
