Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
