i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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