I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
