chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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