i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
