Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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