they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
