why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
