Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
