I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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