I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
