I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize