batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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