somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
