smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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