Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
