i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
