your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
