We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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