I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
