I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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