like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Terrible idea I love it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
