She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
