One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
