im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
