I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
