If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
