What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
