Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
