I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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