we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
