The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize