So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
