she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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