oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My balls are so social today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
